I Give Up

The past couple weeks I've struggled to stay motivated. I didn't even want to go to FT and workout, I went, but I dreaded it. After talking with Michael, and reflecting on a lot of things that were discussed, he made me realize I was focusing on the one thing that was going right trying to figure out how to fix it instead of everything else going on. I kept thinking the issue was something with my nutrition or my workouts, when in reality that's the one thing I'm consistent on.So, I started thinking about everything else going on and how I've been reacting to certain things and even people. I figured out I was reverting to some old habits, including shutting down, that were causing me stress and anxiety. Today on our call when Michael asked me how everything else was going, I realized when I said it out loud that I couldn't tell him how everything else was going because I wasn't dealing with it. What kind of sense does that make? Not one damn bit of sense! Instead of just leaning into what was really going on in the areas of my life that are chaotic right now, I pushed them to the side and started looking at the one thing that is going good and just looking for something that was wrong and how I could change it.

So, I've been meditating on it throughout the day and this evening and realized I just need to give up. Yeah, that's right, I'm just going to give up! I'm giving up.......

• The easy way out - I'm going to do the work and deal with the things that are hectic so these things aren't just pushed to the back of my mind and blow up, because they will resurface again if not dealt with
• Negative thinking/self-talk - I'm going to get out of my head, quit telling myself lies, and quit being my own obstacle
• Fear of failure - I'm going to remind myself that I determine my own success and any goal is attainable (The 10x Rule)
• Expecting perfection - Remember I'm not perfect nor am I expected to be perfect, I can't control everything, and give myself permission to be human and to feel
• People pleasing - I'm not doing things just to please others. I have certain people, my parents, Michael, Pastor Scott, who I respect their opinions; and I'm grateful they are real and honest enough to give me their advice, but respect me enough to let me do what's best for myself
• Putting other's needs before mine - it's not selfish to put my needs before others. It's important I take care of myself first and do what I need to do to make sure my life is less stressful and anxious
• My excuses - excuses don't get me results, nor does it get me closer to my goals. No time, work crazy, too tired? Those are bullshit stories I tell myself to avoid doing the work and dealing with the chaos.

These are things that I've recently been allowing to control me and it's caused me some stress and anxiety these past couple weeks. So, in order to be happy, move forward to meet my goals, and get myself motivated again I have to give up on these things. What will you give up to be happy?

Weigh-in Update

Nope, you're not seeing things! It's a new post! Ha! These past few weeks have been extremely busy for me at work, and even outside of work. Also within that time I was sick, and after talking to a nurse friend, I believe it was from food poisoning. Anyway, these past few days I've been able to get a lot done, get back on track with my regular routine, and next week I'm on vacation! Yay!!!

But, what better way to get back on track with my blog than a weigh-in update! I've missed two updates, so just to get ya caught up, the weigh-in from 2/25/16 I was up that week for the first time this year. It was up, but I didn't get discouraged, because I knew I've been busting my ass and really focused on my meals. Just the stress on my body from being sick and just not resting like I should can have that effect on the scale. But, even though it wasn't much, I lost .6 last week and this week I was down another .4 pounds. So, it's going back down and that's the important thing.

One thing about me not posting recently, I've had so much going on and going through my mind, I have several things I want to write about. So, keep an eye out for new updates!